The truth about women - understanding your wife

Things you’ll never hear a woman say:-

Can we discuss that later – I’m watching the football.

I’ve said it once – I refuse to repeat myself.

Stop me if I’ve already told you . . . .

I’ve got nothing to say about that.

I know exactly what I’ll wear tonight.

Valentine’s Day is so commercialised. I’d rather you didn’t get me anything.

Let’s go fishing.

After a party a woman can relate exactly who was there, what they were wearing, who said what to whom, etc. etc. etc. A man will be able to tell you the precise make, model and serial numbers of the computer, television and DVD.

A woman’s ability to read body language and voice intonation makes it utterly impossible for a man to lie to her face to face. If you need to tell her a small lie do it by text message. For a big lie send a postcard from a remote and distant island.

Women are an enigma – they can’t park a car in a twenty foot wide space but can spot a blonde hair on their partner’s collar at two hundred yards.

According to research women have 180 degree peripheral vision. Nonsense! Just try doing anything behind a woman’s back.

If women are so good at deciphering body language and communicating by facial expressions why oh why do they need to talk incessantly?

To women maps are very similar to murder mystery books – they provide lots of clues but the final outcome is always a mystery.

Women can’t drive – Men can’t operate a washing machine. Well - nobody’s perfect.

Women’s ability to multitask or men’s inability to do so may be a major contributor to road accidents. The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration is working to determine the safety risks of multitasking on the road. The organization estimates that 44 percent of drivers in the United States have cellular phones, 7 percent have e-mail access and 3 percent have fax capabilities within their cars. It also estimates that 25 percent of the 6.3 million crashes which occur each year are a result of using one of these distractions while driving.

Men believe that there is no need to speak unless you have something to say. Women believe that if you have nothing to say then you need to talk about why you have nothing to say.